hello blogger, internet,
Relationships are hard.
They take trust, honesty, respect, compromise and communication. Many relationships last a long time. And sometimes, over time we get so caught up in the monotonous and routine dynamics of a relationship that communication can break down without us even noticing.
When communication breaks down it means that it is time for a change. To rebuild communication we need to adapt, revise, rethink, alter, or enhance our old ways in order to move forward and reestablish effective communication.
Communication is essential to all our interactions. Whether it be through verbal conversation, text messages, body language, emails, or gestures; we need effective communication in our daily lives. But sometimes when we are communicating our signals get mixed up, our words get misinterpreted. Even with those we have been in relationships with for a long time.
Seven years is a long time to be in a relationship. And that is exactly how long I've had my horse. Now, I realize that calling it a "relationship" seems a little odd to some people, but that's what it is. Whether between two partners, two siblings, two friends, a parent and child, a boss and employee, etc. our lives are made up of relationships; including those we have with our pets. So bare with me. My horse and I are a team. In order for us to enjoy our time together, be productive, and maintain a level of safety our relationship is heavily reliant on communication.
Now well past both our "teen years" and a full seven years into our "relationship" one would think that my horse and I would have established great communication and an understanding for one another. Which I believe we have. But like I said at the beginning, routine communication can come so monotonous we start to pay little attention to the messages we are sending. This leads to miscommunication and when that happens communication can break down.
The end of summer and start of fall brings with it many changes. The early morning sun and warm evens are replaced with dark mornings and chilling temperatures. But there are more changes than just that of the weather. Life changes. A lot. School starts. Which means that "days off" and "free evenings" are just code for "homework time". 4 o'clock sundown leaves for less time to partake in outdoor activities. Random class schedules get in the way of any fluid routine. For me, this means that my riding routine has to change. I go from an hour and 20 minutes rides, five times a week to 45 minutes rides, 4 times a week. It may not seem like that big of a difference but when you're a 1,300 pound animal designed for intense physical activity it's quite a dramatic change. Weather also plays a role. Cold weather means that a horses body has to work harder to maintain it's standard body temperature, and although the arrival of a furry winter coat helps, in the rainy places such as mine, it means that it takes a lot longer for the horses to dry off. Therefore energy that could be put towards exercise is now being used to regulate the body at its resting state.
About two weeks ago I noticed my horse becoming ornery; he began unnecessarily crow-hopping and bucking without me issuing any agitating signals. Like a close-minded person I immediately blamed his behaviour on a sour attitude; an innocent victim in a horses character. This continued on and my frustration grew. The usual techniques I always used to halt bad behaviour had no effect on him.
When relationships get shaky and communication breaks down it is all too easy for us to blame the other person. We as humans, love to play the role of the innocent victim. And with animals that can't communicate verbally it is even easier for us to blame them. It wasn't till after a week of half-heart bucks sending jolting shock waves down my spine that I forced myself to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation.
Clearly my efforts to curve his behaviour were going extremely unnoticed by him. I knew what I wanted from him, but clearly he wasn't getting it. Was it possible that maybe the problem wasn't him? Perhaps I was to blame?
This realization is when my horse sense finally decided to chime in. Like I said, seven years is a long time in a relationship, especially one with a horse. You would think that after seven years I would know my horse inside and out. And I do. But the training regime that we had been on for the last six months had been working great for us so I wanted to stick with it. I forgot to take into account all the other factors that effect communication. So I put together a list of things that changed and correlated them with his abrupt change in attitude.
First off: Weather. I know colder temperatures have a massive effect on my hot blooded, thin skinned thoroughbred. Cold temperatures mean colder bodies, which means colder muscles and stiffer joints. I know this, so I didn't want to change what had been working because I wanted to continue to exercise his muscles so they wouldn't tighten up in the cold. Which in hindsight is a very naive way of thinking and I should have know better. Coincidently his bucking started around the same time we experienced a massive drop in temperature.
Secondly: Conditioning. I pride myself on having a perfectly conditioned horse capable of executing second level dressage movements. And in the spring and summer months he is just that. But this is not the summer. It is fall. And as mentioned previously, the amount of riding I get to do is a lot less. This means that his conditioning is not what it was two months ago. I can't fault myself for this. It's life and I accept that. I don't like it, but I accept it. I understand the importance of school and work and I know that it will cut into my riding time (plus I'm older now and I don't have very strong desires to ride a horse in the pouring rain). Because I was riding less, I wanted to make the rides I did get in count. Not fair to a horse who is dependent on me for extraneous physical activity.
Thirdly: Boredom. I had been doing the same training routine for almost a year. And because it had been going well I wanted to stick to it. He was developing and maturing and I wanted to continue down that road. But he is a creature with feelings and ideas. And more than that he is an extremely high strung being who thrives off hard work. But it's not much work, or fun for that matter, to do the same thing day in and day out. Because riding is my own time to take a mental break I don't actually mind this routine. But for a horse who's greatest daily activity comes from the ride, it was only a matter of time before boredom would set in and he demand a change.
Combine all this with the fact that I know my horse is prone to depressive lulls and experiences a drastic spike in anxiety when his work load is cut; it was time for a change. And really it was quite simple. I got up to the barn one morning and tacked him up. Instead of hopping on him to warm him up I clipped on the lunge line. From there I sent him forward without the pressure of a human body on his back. From the ground I was able to watch him move and stretch. Although I can physically feel the stretching and relaxation of his muscles when I am on him, watching it happen offers a different perspective. Once I had put him through the three gaits and was confident he was stretched out I mounted. On a loose reign I walked and trotted in both directions and then brought it back down to a walk. So far so good. His nose was on the ground and there was no bucking or kicking. After another lap or two at the walk I pick my reigns up just a little. Now usually when I canter I push him forward right away otherwise he gets stuck in the gait and his attitude comes out. Today I decided to slacken my reigns just slightly more than usually and got into my two-point position before asking him for a canter. He picked it up and I continued to go large around the arena. I'm sure it didn't look pretty but he was moving forward without a sour attitude. With my seat off his back I was opening him up to his movements; instead of driving him forward I was allowing him to find a comfortable pace. I did this on both leads and finally, no bucking! I brought him down to a walk and collected my reigns and put him into his frame. Cue the anxiety and anticipation. He began to do his little jig. Oh joy! So I stopped. Halted him and did simple bending exercises to supple his neck. Once to the left then to the right. Then back to the walk with a stable leg and a supportive hand (an continuous half-halts), he accepted the bit and softened his mouth. Then, as I changed reign from B to E we suddenly went from a fluid walk to a collected but anxious canter. Not what I wanted. We proceeded to do figure eights over and over again while I remained calm and steady, simply encouraging a calm and collected walk. Once he finally stopped anticipating a change in pace at X I squeezed him in to a trot. We went through the same thing at the trot until he was trotting around happily and relaxed whilst not fighting the bit. As much as I wanted to try this at the canter I wanted to grant him a reward for his excellent behaviour so I dropped the reigns and cooled down. The next day I did the same thing and incorporated the canter. Once again we were buck free!
By changing the way I was communicating to him I was able to proper send him the message I wanted him to receive. Once again we began to listen to one another and work as a team.
Sometimes we expect too much from others in order to fill our own self gratification. We want things to happen just the way we want, when we want. What we need to do is step back and look at the bigger picture. See a situation from someone else's position and take into account the things happening around us. People are effected by various changes differently. I always try to look at what I know about horses and how I can translate it to people. There's actually a lot of connections you can find. And communication is a big one. If something makes perfect sense to me that doesn't mean it makes perfect sense to someone else.
Just because we don't want to change the message we are sending doesn't mean we can't change the way we communicate it.
Happy Sunday
-m.o
