hello there,
I decided to draw attention to a less important area of my life: My Relationship Status. I'm single, it's kind of my thing. Call me a pro if you will. With this status comes some rather frequent and repetitive conversations with those who find themselves slightly less single than myself. This isn't a "woe is me" pity-fest, I love all my friends and their husbands/wives/boyfriends/girlfriends. My friend's relationships mean I gain new lifelong friends and get a fancy free meal at their wedding. It's a win-win situation. However, there's the odd conversation that happens where my single status is in question and things get said that make me want to snap the other person's ring finger right off their left hand (dramatization, of course). Therefore, here are the 13 things someone in a relationship shouldn't say to someone who's single:
1.) "Oh my goodness, why are you single?"
Please. Come. Sit down. Let me tell you the story of my people. What? No. Why? Huh? Why am I single? That's such a stupid question. Don't ask that. I don't even know how to answer that question when people ask me. I usually just give this creepy, awkward laugh and say "ohhhh, haha, I don't have time for a relationship". Ugh. Seriously. MAYBE I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE. Leave me alone. Or maybe I just got out of a bad break up but thanks for pouring salt on that wound, jerk face. Or perhaps I'm desperately looking and this is a super sensitive subject, let me go home and cry now, thank you very much.
2.) "Don't worry, the right person is out there"
Thank you. Thank you so much. I have never heard that one before. And thank you, thank you for assuming that I was deeply concerned about the matter. Let me tell you how I sit at home, day after day, worrying about whether or not my soulmate is out there. Honestly though, I wasn't worrying but it's nice to know you think I should be...
3.) "They're missing out, you're such a great person"
I know. I know. I'm really, really good looking and a total hoot to be around. I don't need you to tell me how awesome I am. It's pretty obvious to everyone. It's actually why I'm single. I'm too awesome. Sorry, I don't know what that says about you and your relationship... Also FYI, crappy people have boyfriends/girlfriends, it's not just "great people like me".
4.) "Have you tried online dating?"
No. No I haven't. Please, tell me what that is. I haven't heard of it before... Let's get this clear. We have all heard of online dating. If I wanted to do it I would have and if I have tried it maybe I just didn't feel like publicizing it. Also, it's expensive (but that's besides the point).
5.) "I remember when I was single... Before I met..."
That's nice.
6.) "It's okay, I'm going to find you the perfect person"
STOP ASSUMING I AM NOT HAPPY BEING SINGLE. Maybe I'm not looking for the perfect person. Maybe I'm not looking for anyone at the moment. Maybe all I want is for you to leave me alone. I'm not some lost puppy you need to help.
7.) "What about (insert name of mutual friend)"
If they were interested or if I were interested something would have happened. It's not meant to be. And if it is, then it will happen in time. There's a chance we thought about it at one point or another and then thought against it.
8.) "Is there anyone at school you could be interested in?"
Yes actually, that's why I'm busting my butt off for five years straight, doing 20+ hours a week of homework. I go to university to scout out potential prospects. It's very costly but I'm in my 4th year now, so it should be a promising crop this semester. Also, perhaps there is a person at school I could be interested but there's also 20,000+ of them so the odds of scouting them all out are rather slim.
9.) Out in public anywhere, "Oh! what about that person, they're cute"
Uh sure, I'll just walk up to that complete stranger and let them know I am single and I noticed they look nice, that seems like a fool proof plan. I can recognize when I think a person is attractive. There's lots of attractive people in the world but I don't see every person as a potential dating partner. I'm not some lion on the prowl looking for my next victim. Also, looks aren't a good enough reason to ask someone out, in my opinion.
10.) "You're so lucky you're not tied down to anyone and you don't have any commitments"
How does it make you partner feel to hear you say that? Sorry, they're such a burden to you. Maybe if you're so miserable you shouldn't be in a relationship. You're right though. Because I'm single I don't work, go to school, have responsibilities. It's a care free life.
11.) "At least you don't have to cook and clean"
True. That's a major perk. Single people don't eat, or use dishes, or make messes, or spill things, or have clutter. Dust doesn't actually even exist around us.
12.) "But you're so pretty!"
And you're so shallow. Go home and reevaluate your life.
13.) "There's no one out there good enough for you!"
We know you mean this to be flattering but really it's a stupid thing to say. A) it's not true (no one is too good for everyone) and B) it's not the least bit comforting. You're politely saying we're going to die alone.
I make light of this of course. When people say these things to me I do not get offended or mad. I don't care. I get that when people say these things they mean it to be flattering, comforting and encouraging. I know they say it because they care and that's why I appreciate it. I understand that being in a relationship is really wonderful. But so is being single. I guess what I'm trying to say and what the point of this post is: Don't feel sorry for us single folk. We don't feel sorry for ourselves.
-m.o