"A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, you light will shine when all else fades"
I have had the most discouraging of days, weeks, months, years. I'm being slightly melodramatic, yes, but the idea sticks. Most of my discouragement manifests itself around one particular aspect of my life. But when one thing brings you down, suddenly you find fault in all the other aspects of your life. And one weakness suddenly cripples your ability to believe you're good at anything.
My university experience has been, to say the least, not entirely the most positive experience of my life. Now, it has not, in any way, shape or form, been negative, but positive is surely not a word I am going to use to describe my time at university. It has been four of the most overwhelmingly stressful years, plagued by insecurities, uncertainties, and a complete lack of direction. Not really the theme you want to inherit when attempting to find a course for the entire rest of your life.
As the four years have drawn on, my discouragement has only increased, as I lost my will to put forth the energy, commitment, and attention into each and every reading, course, and assignment, I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't good enough to do any of the things I wanted to do. In the past few weeks, the most recent one in particular, I was crippled by the overwhelming anxiety that I was, most definitely not good enough. Not just in terms of my education, but as a friend, with my job, at pursuing my passions, basically every aspect of my life.
And then it dawned on me.
I really wasn't good enough.