hello there,
For those of you that have followed along with my blog since the beginning, about a year ago, you'll have realized that it has been plagued by inconsistency. It started out relatively strong but it quickly faded and died. This saddens me because I actually love to write and when I did write it was greeted with positive feedback. I'm ready to turn over a new leaf now though, but first I need to share why I quit blogging.
I hate confrontation and I hate creating controversy. I like making people happy. The majority of the blogs I came across were eloquently written with flashy images. Their topics were often written by those well educated on the subject. The content seemed to always revolve around healthy eating, married life, fashion and beauty, or parenting. Great topics, zero relevance to me (except the healthy eating thing, I like food but I have too many allergies to count so I know where to find my recipes) (Okay and maybe the fashion and beauty stuff but I'm too broke to buy clothes and too lazy to wear make up). I got discouraged by this because I figured if this was all the content on blogs it was because that's what people want to read. But it wasn't what I wanted to write. It wasn't me. So I stopped.
Why?
I let my insecurities get the best of me and strayed away from what I knew. The topics that are important to me and the stuff I think about and want to write about are things that we don't always like to talk about. I want to write about stuff that will make people think and question the things they know and the perceptions they have. I sit in school every single day and go to work every single weekend and am endlessly bombarded with the problems that make up our world and our society and those are the things I care about. It makes people uncomfortable to talk about these things and they can and will stir a lot of controversy. That's what scared me. I was worried people would think less of me because, why? Because, I cared? Basically.
I want to see each and every person in this world live a beautiful and full life and somedays that seems like an impossible dream. I love the path God has chosen for me but I know it's a difficult one in terms of things I'll have to deal with on a daily basis. Perhaps that was the other thing that prompted me to quit and now has subsequently prompted me to start again. I push myself at university to learn as much as I can in as short amount of time as possible but I have nowhere to apply my knowledge. I want this blog to become that place. The things I care about truly matter and I know I have no reason to be uncomfortable sharing. When you write something it's personal and I'm an incredibly private person. So when you share it, it's like giving permission for everyone to get a little glimpse into your head and heart, and I don't know about you but that's terrifying to me. Being vulnerable is terrifying.
One of my best friends and I have our own motto (cool, I know), "No shame is the name of the game" (even cooler, I know). It sounds super cheesy but I think that our heads are looking in the right direction. Maybe I'll write something people will disagree with but if I never share what's on my heart or try to better myself then what's the point of all of this? I'm not okay with the idea that I'm only learning for the sake of an income. It needs to be more than this. So from now on I am fully adopting the "No Shame" policy.
I've come to learn that society has way too much influence over our thoughts and ideas and words. We say things because we think they're the right thing to say and then we stop ourselves from saying the things that maybe we should have said. Regardless of how much affirmation I received, in the back of my head was this lie that I needed to worry about what people would think.
I have learned that there is one standard of which I should be concerned and that is the one which God holds me accountable to. You see, as long as I do everything with the power he gives me, the expectations others have for me have no merit or foothold in the decisions I make and the things I do.
This is no easy task as I am but only human. A human with a sinful nature which says to be of the world while God says He made the world.
My goal is to create an environment where ideas and thoughts and voices are welcomed with consideration, patience, open mindedness, compassion, and forgiveness. Will I say the wrong things? Yes, most likely. Will I offend people? There's definitely a chance of that. Will others disagree? I can guarantee it. Will I screw up time and time again? For sure. Will I learn? I hope to. Will I continue to let the expectations I think others hold prohibit me from sharing what's on my heart? Unfortunately I promise you I will. But I also promise to try not to.
See, what I hope anyone who reads this gets out of this is that we need to feel free to share our ideas, concerns, observations, and thoughts without the fear of how it'll be received. If someone says something wrong then let's grant them forgiveness. It they anger us. Let's show them grace. If they disagree with us. Let's learn together. I've chosen to use this blog as a platform for my thoughts. Perhaps the ruthless Internet isn't the best choice of platforms but still, I encourage you to find a platform in which you can do the same. Imagine if everyone felt the freedom to share what was on their hearts? Imagine what a beautiful world that would be.
I guess I felt like my writing had to have an identity or factor of mutual agreement in order for me to create valuable content. But I've come to realize that it's okay that my writing doesn't have a theme or identity. It's going to be messy and it's going to be unpredictable and all over the place. And that makes sense for me. My life is messy and unpredictable and all over the place. So if you're reading this blog and looking for stellar recipes or great fashion ideas, look elsewhere. If you want marriage advice or parenting tips I can offer you nothing on either. I can and will at least try to provide neat photos from time to time though.
I know I'm not in a place of life where a lot of people are and that's okay. Maybe the stuff I write about a lot of people won't care about or it won't be relevant to them and that's also okay. Because I realize now that if I try to write what I think other people want to read then I'll never please everyone, so I might as well write the things I want to write for me.
And maybe, just maybe, along the way that'll make all the difference.
