hello there,
It seems as though in the recent days and weeks an astonishing amount of celebrity "nudes" have been leaked over social media . Ah yes, controversy and drama in its finest forms. This is the type of stuff our society craves. But there's also been a situation or two where a celebrity has posed for nearly nude photos in photoshoots for magazines and various other platforms. Yes, I'm looking at you Kim Kardashian. Before you click the X out of the page let me assure you this isn't some celeb gossip rag in which I roast the woman the world hates to love and loves to hate. I am however going to use the situation regarding Mrs. Kardashian-West as an example for something. Something, being that I am not entirely sure where this post is going, I just know it'll end up somewhere. Somewhere most likely being in the drafts bin to never be seen by anyone other than myself. But I digress.
Yes, booty. Let's start there. Booty's back. Thank you Nikki, JLo, Beyonce, and Kim. It's nice to let curvy girls know that they're just as sexy as their size two peers as long as we are all waxed, tanned, and photoshopped. But, I do think that Kim decided to take it to a whole new level in recent days. Let me emphasize. Booty... Is... Back... Although, last I checked booties didn't go anywhere, girls kept having bottoms. I have reason to believe they're actually a part of every single human body. Who knew? So Booty is back Booty is just the new current trend which will eventually be over turned by the next social phenomenon (that is less a phenomenon and more just a resurgence of focus on another part of the human body that can be sexualized beyond necessary) which will then be over turned by the next bodily obsession. We've seen it before with plump lips and fake boobs. We become obsessed with something until the next new thing comes along. Let's call this the era of the booty. Man is it ever a great time to be alive. If this doesn't pump you up to continue on, I don't know what will.
In the recent days a 29 year old terminal cancer patient opted for physician assisted suicide and a man landed on a comet. But, more importantly, Kim Kardashian posed naked with an absurd amount of baby oil. All to, what? Prove that she's still sexy? The question I have is when did sexy become something we had to prove? Last I checked it was really none of my business if someone was sexy. That's kind of their own thing isn't it? Is the value I place on Kim Kardashian determined by how sexy she is? No, no it's definitely not.
I won't lie to you, I like a good entertainment drama piece as much as the next person. As much as I hate it, I have to be in the know. It's this vicious circle of self loathing and complete loss of faith in my human capabilities but I still read it and see it and follow it. Dang it Kim and your oily bod... But as I followed this story the comments I read and the responses I saw seemed to tread towards a common theme: She's proving that she's still sexy.
Proving.
Over 7 billion people in the world and we need one woman to prove to us that she's still sexy by awkwardly posing with ribbons and bows and oil. So I ask again, since when did being sexy become something someone had to prove? If you're waiting for me to give you the answer you'll be waiting a while. I don't have it. I have no clue at what point in our history someone decided that a person's worth could be found in the way their body is perceived by others.
If I could say one thing to Kim it would be this;
Kim, you have a husband who I hope loves you regardless of how society sees you. I hope he finds you beautiful because of the person you are and not solely on the way you look with your clothes off, lathered in oil. You have a beautiful child who I can guarantee you loves you regardless of how you look. I promise you that you could be 500 pounds and covered in boils and your daughter wouldn't love you any less because, luckily for children, looks and appearance mean nothing to them. Love and character and security are what matters to her. And my wish is that you wouldn't care what the rest of the world thought about you. Honestly, our opinions don't matter. If you're happy with how your body looks post child bearing, that's awesome, good for you, but don't feel like you have to prove how sexy you still are. Believe it or not, you don't owe us anything. We've done nothing to you but dissect and analyze and criticize every square inch of your body. Your body. Yours. It belongs to you. Not to your husband and certainly not to society. Perhaps you feel fantastic about your body and this photoshoot was an opportunity to flaunt how good you're feeling. I respect being body confident. But don't for a second think that you had to prove anything. You had a baby, you became a mom. You received one of the most precious gifts a woman could receive and if your body took a beating from it then don't be ashamed. Be proud. Did you work your butt off to get your body back to where it is today? Good for you. That takes hard work and an insane amount of dedication. But I hope you did it for you, not to prove to us that you could. And remember, you are not your body. You have a body. But your identity, worth, and value is not found in the size or shape of your body. And I personally apologize if no one ever told you that or if you were ever led to believe that wasn't true.
I guess what I'm trying to say is being body confident is absolutely fantastic and I think it is by far one of the most difficult things for women to achieve. But it's important to look at the things women do to gain confidence in their bodies and why they're doing it. Because if posing for provocative photos to prove how sexy a woman is is the way to become body confident then I think our ideas of things are skewed. See, it means our confidence is coming from the approval and gratification of others. Regardless of how confident we feel, we're looking for others to tell us whether or not we should be confident. If I have to prove to people that I can be a certain way then I'm doing something for them, not for myself. Because if I was truly doing something for myself I wouldn't care about how others received it. We don't actually need the permission from others to feel a certain way about our bodies, we're just taught to believe that we do.
I'm sorry if this post has ended up being a jumbled mess of thoughts. These were simply just some ideas on my mind. They've left me with more questions than anything else. Who defines what sexy is? Why do we accept that definition? Why do we portray our bodies the way we do? Are we more concerned about what others think of our bodies than how we actually feel about them? If that's the case, then why? What does being body confident really mean? Can women be truly content with their bodies in a highly sexualized and critical society? What are we willing to do to become body confident? Is it even important how our bodies look? Why do we place so much importance on our bodies? Better yet, why do we care so much how another person's body looks?
Sometimes it's not always about the answers. Sometimes it's just about asking the hard questions. Critically reflect on how we frame certain ideas and concepts within our own personal framework and that of society's while trying to dissect and realize the role society plays in how we conceptualize these certain ideas. Yes, I have my own opinions and ideas in regards to these questions but when it comes to the body it's up to the individual to understand it. So sorry if you were looking for answers and I didn't provide them, but perhaps I've led you to ask some questions you've never pondered. I challenge anyone to consider how they perceive bodies and why.
But, if there's one thing that you get out of this, let it be this: You don't owe anyone your body. You don't need to prove how sexy you are to anyone. Love yourself because you love yourself, not because society gives you permission too.
-m.o